Happy Fall everybody! The most wonderful time of the year! I wanted to take a little break this week from the dating recaps, because let’s be honest, I think we all need it. But, never fear, I am still Bumbling and Matching away and will be sure to give you a full rundown in the coming weeks. I will mention that kind of a fun side-effect of all this dating blogging has been that I’ve actually connected with a few dating bloggers abroad, which has been fun, and also a little reassuring in that it appears dating in London and Australia is also pretty f’d, I mean just listen to Adele.
Anyway, GUYS. Let’s talk about FALL. As you know by my previous posts, I am not a fan of the summer weather, so the second the temps drop below 70 degrees, I’m a happy little kitty. In fact, I am cuddled in a blanket right now as I type this, which is SO FALL of me. All I need is something with Pumpkin Spice in it, but unfortunately they don’t have pumpkin spiced wine…YET.
Fall in Oklahoma means several things. First, the foliage. Ahhhhh, I love me some good foliage. When I lived in New York for a hot minute, I used to drive to upstate and back on the weekends, just to see the leaves changing (no, I didn’t have many friends there, why do you ask????). Anyway, a few years ago I even agreed to do a 200 mile relay run through the Adirondacks because I thought to myself, yes, running in the mountains will probably be hard, but damn that’s some can’t miss fall foliage. And I was right.
Side bar: If you are a runner, or even pretend to be a runner, and you haven’t done a Ragnar, I highly recommend it. A quick synopsis: You and 11 (or less) friends rent two large vans and run a relay race in between two locations, set about 200 miles apart. Usually the locations are kind of touristy, for example, the first one I did we ran from San Francisco to Napa. When my friend Conor asked if I was interested in going to wine country, I said “YES!!!” immediately, then blacked out and started daydreaming about wine, so I didn’t even realize we were running a race until like 3 weeks before we left. Oh well. We made it. Barely. We’ve also run Ragnars from Boston to Cape Cod, and then finally from Albany to Lake Placid. Each time I have been more or less with the same group of predominately gay males, so at least the playlists in the vans were always on point. No lie, that’s literally how I learned about Nicki Minaj. You aren’t running your legs all in a row, you divide them up by three, so you may run, 5, 8, and then 3 then next day. Or in the case of your good runners, they will run 9, 6, and 13, or something like that. The only downside is you have to sleep in a van when your team isn’t running, or if you’re like me, you buy a sleeping bag just for the Ragnar, sleep on the ground somewhere sketchy and then throw it away after you’re done. Not the best use of money, but worth it when you are in a van full of smelly people and you JUST WANT SOME DAMN SLEEP CONOR, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!
After the race is over, we rent a big house at the destination and eat a bunch of carbs and sleep for 12 hours. Yes, it’s MISERABLE while you are doing it, but after it’s over, you can’t wait to do another. My Dad asked me once why I kept signing up for these things, and I said it’s because I laugh really hard and get to eat a lot of pasta. He said I do weird things with my friends. He’s not wrong. I think I can sum it up best with the following quote, which I sort of try to live by:
As for, Oklahoma, it usually takes until October for us to see real changes in our leaf color, but the wait is totally worth it. #foliageforever. Maybe I should start a Foliage Facebook page since they prtty much have Facebook pages for everything now, including Flat Earthers. This is no lie. One of my Facebook friends joined the Official Flat Earth and Globe Discussion page for S’s and G’s and her posts about it have been giving me life lately, since everything else seems like total doom and gloom. There are 61,920 members in this group. That means that at a MINIMUM, there are approximately 62,000 people that believe the Earth is FLAT. It’s pretty amazing, I could spend hours sifting through the posts and comments because it’s just so bizarre. Just scrolling through the memes alone make you feel like you are living in an alternate reality – WHICH MAYBE YOU ARE JANICE, YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING. Not surprisingly these are the same people who believe all NASA videos are shot in a swimming pool, and that the CIA killed Kennedy. In all reality, I would probably date a conspiracy theorist if I could find one, their lives have got to be so much more interesting than those of us who believe in lame stuff like facts and science. YAWN.
Wow, I really got off on a tangent there.
Back to Fall. Fall in Oklahoma also means cooler temps and fall fashions, which I will comment very little on because my fashion style is best described as lesbian barbie. Is it a button down, and does it have pockets are the first two questions I ask when buying new clothes. But even I love when it gets a little cooler and I can break out the boots and sweaters (and flannel shirts, of course)!!! Don’t worry men, I’m going to talk about football next, hang in there.
September here is always kind of dicey because it doesn’t always cool off until October or even November, but still, on the first technical day of fall, you see people cruising around with PSLs, wearing long sweaters, scarves, and Uggs, and it’s 85 degrees outside. I swear, this time of year, girls either look like they’re not wearing pants at all, or like they just flew in from the Tundra. I get it, we are ALL excited for tunics, but give it a rest. You have plenty of time to break in your new Fryes.
Also, I would like to go on record saying that the pumpkin spice thing is completely out of control. There’s even a pumpkin spice latte purse, and THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS AMERICA. Pumpkin Spice madness and Nickelback. Both unacceptable.
Fall also means FOOTBALL!!!! Football time in Oklahoma is the best. High School, College, Pro, you name it. We are straight Friday Night Lights up in here. The first game day rolls around and we all turn into Coach and Tami Taylor. Minus the good hair. There’s something magical about football season that turns kids into dreamers, men into experts, petite little blonds into screaming lunatics, and little old ladies into blood-thirsty animals. If you’ve never heard your Grandma yell “HIT ‘EM!!!” at the top of her lungs, you don’t live in a football state. It’s not normal, but it’s great. I watch a little Pro too, but mainly because I have THREE, yes THREE fantasy football teams this year – which reminds me, I need to set my lineups…and probably get a hobby. My teams are always kind of average though because instead of picking my team based on talent, I go for physical attractiveness and butts. Except for my boyfriend Rob Gronkowski, who has all three. #swoon.
The other best thing about Pro are the NFL Bad Lip Reading videos. If you haven’t seen these, please go back and watch all of them. They are so clever and funny. The Bad Lip Reading guys usually come out with a new one every season, so here is 2017s. You’re welcome.
So, what did I miss? Any other fall favorites I didn’t cover?
PS – Because I KNOW people will ask – I did hear from Wang again, even after he threatened to “leave me alone for ever” if I didn’t text him, but I haven’t heard anything since Monday at about midnight. I’m kind of sad actually, it’s like I have a Wang sized hole in my heart. Sniff.
Which means, if you’re keeping score at home…
Current tally: No boyfriends, no dates, and no Wang