I swear, one of the hardest parts about writing a blog post is just figuring out how to start it, so I am going to start it this way, and if something brilliant comes to me whilst writing, then I will change it. (editor’s note: it didn’t).  So, the last time I wrote, which I realize has been a few weeks – don’t yell at me I have a good excuse and also I have PTSD from playing college basketball and yelling really stresses me out, so could you just NOT???? Thanks.  Anyway, the last time I wrote I was about to go to the doctor and get my results from my blood panel – which sounds weird, like there are a bunch of blood droplets sitting in chairs judging your body for all of its horrible decisions – and I was really worried about Wilford Brimley and his DIABEETUS.  Fear not, dear readers, my blood sugar was in shockingly great shape, however, my doctor still had that “how am I going to tell you this” look on her face and then she told me I had Hashimoto’s.  I said, Hashi-what? and immediately started planning my own funeral. (side note: super classy, everyone wears black and drinks champagne, tears are mandatory). She proceeds to tell me that it’s a fairly common autoimmune disorder where your immune system attacks your thyroid causing symptoms from hair loss (um, please – don’t even try to touch this mane) to depression, anxiety, headaches, stiff joints, acne (????‍♀️), weight gain (????‍♀️????‍♀️????‍♀️), cold hands and feet (WTF), and the pièce de résistance: extreme tiredness and fatigue, or what I like to call, #reallife (????‍♀️????‍♀️????‍♀️????‍♀️????‍♀️????‍♀️????‍♀️????‍♀️).  My doc asked me if I had been experiencing any of this stuff (among other symptoms) and I had to nod in agreement as my waistband cut into my stomach and I thought back to falling asleep on the couch at 8 pm several times a week amidst several overflowing piles of laundry and mountains of dishes in the sink.  Then also remembering the fact that my hands nearly always hurt, and tons of other symptoms I had just explained away as some other issue or just getting older.  Blurg. Finally, she asked if I had been depressed and anxious lately and I said, of course, I live in 2017 America…


But that’s the crazy thing about Hashimoto’s, the thyroid affects almost EVERYTHING, so if it’s out of whack, your symptoms can range from poor circulation in your feet, to brain fog, to uncontrollable stalking of your ex on Facebook.  Wait, that last one may just be me.  The other problem is that the symptoms aren’t uncommon in tons of other diseases or run of the mill ailments, so in the last few weeks I’ve been asking myself, is this joint pain/headache a flare up or did I just sleep funny/haven’t had enough water?  It’s a bit maddening.  So instead of spending the time I wanted developing these awesome work out plans and getting in great shape to combat the holiday bulge, I’ve been researching and reading tons of stuff trying to figure out what I need to do for my own health moving forward, including listening to this podcast, which actually kind of blew my mind about the connection to diet and chronic disease. After which I promptly fell asleep on the couch.  You know what they say, the best laid plans of mice and men is an excellent movie.

Doctor lady also told me I needed to give up gluten and I was like, wait say that again, I just hallucinated and thought you said I had to give up gluten, and she was like, no that is what I said, and I was like, wait weird it happened again, is this a symptom? And she finally said, “Suzie for the love of God, just stop eating bread!!!” and then the nurse came in to ask if everything is ok.  And I said no, it’s not, I have to give up gluten. On the week of Thanksgiving.  It hasn’t been as bad as I thought it was going to be, there are a lot of replacement gluten-free type items now, but really I’ve noticed that I feel better if I don’t even try to eat the fake stuff. It may not have gluten in it, but it contains a host of other difficult to pronounce ingredients and I am learning that eating real food is probably a better way to go.  THE HORROR.  Problem is, I don’t cook, so a lot of my gluten free meals have been scrambled eggs and roasted veggies, or remove eggs and insert chicken, or turkey, or other protein.  One of the 2018 goals is to learn to cook a few meals, so I’m going to go ahead and put this out to the Universe – Dear Santa, I’d like an instant pot for Christmas and a hot guy to teach me how to use it.  Love, Suzie.

You’ll do.

In January I’m going to start the Whole 30, which I used to make fun of people for doing, so karma really is a kind of a bitch, man.  Also, this means no wine or booze for 30 days, which is like…ok hang on, deep breaths, I think I’m hyperventilating again. But, one of the mottos of the Whole 30 is “It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Quitting heroin is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard.”  When I read that I was like, ok geez when you put it that way…  But they are right.  Life can be really hard, but food is a choice (groooooan).  One that I have often made poorly in the past, I might add.  So anyway, if you see me in January – at least for the first 10 days or so, I would strongly suggest crossing the street to another planet.

Me on January 2nd

In the meantime, I’m back today to catch you all up on my not at all exciting life… I really should have thought this blogging thing through more.  Most importantly, my Match.com time is officially up, so somewhere out there, there is a really sad Wang.  But I made it the full 3 months (and then some because of the whole getting kicked off thing)!!!  I couldn’t have done it without all of your help and support.  I’d also like to thank my internet provider, box wine, and pizza.

And that’s the update.  I’ve been told my posts are getting a little TLDR anyway, so here’s where I sign off.  Stay tuned for a holiday post about how it sucks not to be able to eat stuffing and why I think all your elves on the shelves are super creepy.