Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I guess?

Author’s note: Feel free to turn any mention of my Italy trip into a drinking game, you wouldn’t be the first.

You may have wondered what I did with the cats while I was in Italy* (????) since this was the longest amount of time I have been away since I adopted them.  In the past, if it’s just been a few nights, I have a local service that comes in, feed/waters them, changes the litter, and plays with them for a bit.  OKC area people, Savvy Pet Sitters are AWESOME if you are looking for someone to help with your pets.  I cannot say enough nice things about them!  They even let me into my apartment one night at like 12:30 AM,  after I left my keys in an Uber ????‍♀️.   For this trip, however, I knew I would need someone to physically be there in the apartment with them during the entire time I was gone (to Italy ????).  Cats don’t do well being boarded or going to someone else’s home, because, you know, OTHER SMELLS, and it would have been pretty expensive to hire my professional pet sitter for that many nights, so I started asking around a few months ago to see if I had any friends, family members or coworkers that would offer to stay in exchange for some cash and the use of my pool for a few weeks.  I was getting a little worried because for some reason no one had taken me up on my offer, then a coworker told me she had a friend in grad school who needed a place to live for a few months while she finished her summer school classes.  My coworker had good things to say about her, so I thought, okay why not check out this option.  I texted the girl, who we will refer to henceforth as “cat-sitter” and we made plans to meet up for coffee and go over everything she would need to know about staying with Jules and Gigi.

We chatted several times before meeting up and I stalked her pretty hard on her Facebook, so I was feeling good about the situation.  In addition, I would be helping her out too because she wouldn’t have to couch surf all summer, and at my apartment she had cable, internet and a pool, plus endless cuddles from J.  We met up and she was adorable and sweet and I thought, YES – this is going to be great, I was immediately at ease.  She came over that night and met the cats  and a few days later I took off for Italy* (????????).

Let me go ahead and spoil part of this story for you – the cats are fine, and my apartment is fine, so don’t worry too much about the ending here, this story is just funny more than anything.  And I mean funny haha AND funny strange.  My flight from OKC took off on a Tuesday, but I didn’t arrive in Italy* (????) until Wednesday morning.  Cat-sitter texted when she arrived in the apartment that evening and let me know that everything was all good.  A few days later I checked in again, but didn’t hear back for well over a day.  I was starting to get a little worried that maybe something happened to her, so I called my back up in case I didn’t hear back in the next few hours (one must always be prepared).  Then I checked cat-sitter’s Instagram as any clinically insane person/brilliant genius would do.  Turns out she had gone camping for a night and didn’t have cell service, which was totally fine, but then I noticed in her pictures that she was wearing one of my tank tops.  My first thought was, “hey I have that tank top”  but that quickly gave way to, “wait, is that my shirt?”  I was like, okay fine, whatever, maybe she didn’t have any grubby clothes to take camping.  Weird, but moving on.   I spoke with her when she got home that night, and by that point in time, I had put the whole shirt thing out of my mind.  I spent the rest of my time in Italy* (????) without incident and I came home and everything seemed fine.  Cats were great, happy to see me, etc.  BUT, I started looking around my closet, and I couldn’t find that tank top.   A little strange, but I’m thinking maybe she put it back where she found it, which really could have been anywhere – my closet can be described as organized chaos or a total shitshow.  The same could probably be said for my personal life.

I was slowly starting to obsess over all of this, so I looked at her Instagram again a few days later, and upon further review, I find a video blog (or “vlog” for all you social media hipsters) she posted during the time I was in Italy* (????)  and in the vlog she’s wearing an entire outfit of mine, including my earrings and an Ann Taylor Loft utility shirt, which I own in about 10 different colors. (They’re just great for work AND play!!!)

Image result for loft utility blouse dark turquoise gem

This girl’s face is like, seriously, get some new outfits.

There’s also another pic with a shirt on the bed behind her, that I KNOW was in a drawer before I left.  Meaning: SHE. WENT. THROUGH. MY. DRAWERS.   Yes, dear readers, I’m assuming even THAT drawer.

This is where I think it gets even more weird.  Cat-sitter is a tiny, tiny girl – there is no way that any of my clothes naturally fit her.  For a visual comparison, I’m Brienne of Tarth and she is Arya.

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A girl is very short.

Regardless, there she is, preaching a Sunday gospel vlog in my Ann Taylor Loft utility shirt and the earrings my friend Catherine gave me for my birthday.  Give her the benefit of the doubt, you say?  Maybe she, too, is a lover of functional work clothes at affordable prices?  I thought the same thing for half a second until I saw yet another video – this time she’s wearing my 2014 Ryan Adams concert tee which says “CHOOSE CATS” in huge letters across the front.  The only other person that has that T-shirt is my friend Corey, because we bought them together at the show and she is also a crazy cat lady.  And again, she’s sporting a pair of my earrings.  All of these videos were filmed in my bedroom, by the way.  Where were the cats, you ask?  GOOD QUESTION.  Probably trapped in the bathroom.  I mean, I know Jules wouldn’t miss an opportunity to be on camera.

So, I mention this to a few people at work, kind of all, “sooooo, this weird thing happened while I was in Italy*(????), what do I do, etc…” and the immediate response is that I have to confront her, this isn’t normal.  But I hate conflict, and also she still had a key at the time and I didn’t want her to Single White Female me in the middle of the night.   We decided I would go home that evening and check to make sure all my belongings were accounted for and she wasn’t halfway to Mexico with my Kendra Scott earrings and half my wardrobe.

I get home and from what I can tell, nothing is missing (except the tank top), but I start going through my closet and I can tell that she either wore or tried on seven or eight other shirts because they were buttoned all funny, i.e. the sleeves are both rolled up AND buttoned at the bottom, which is just NOT how you wear a utility blouse.  Then it hits me.  She could have tried on or worn ANY piece of clothing I owned, because clearly my size was not a deterrent. YOU GUYS, WHAT IF SHE JOEY’D ME???  I mean, okay, probably not, but see the previous post re: irrational anxiety.

Image result for joey wearing all chandlers clothes at once

Could I BE wearing any more clothes?

I spent the next few days doing several rounds of laundry because it just weirded me out thinking someone else had been wearing my stuff.  I’m also a germaphobe, so the whole thing probably bothered me more than it would a sane person.  The worst part of the whole thing is wondering if there is anything I missed – and if there is anything (else?) she possibly took.  I don’t really believe that this girl is an actual thief, but ever since this happened, if I can’t find something, my immediate reaction is to think, what if?

And I can seriously NOT find that tank top.  Maybe it’s where all my socks and youth went.

Also, my purpose in posting this is not to shame her, or roast her on my blog.  Cat-sitter and I are not connected at all other than through my coworker, who already knows about the whole ordeal.  But since she posted a vlog in my clothes, I feel like it’s only fair that I write a blog post about her doing said vlog in my clothes – it’s really all very meta.  I do not plan on revealing her name or posting any of the screenshots I took – but I will totally show you in person if you ask.  Nor do I plan on confronting her about it, even though I know I probably should.   I just feel like she is going back to her home state in a matter of weeks and it’s now it’s kind of a moot issue.   I did entertain the idea of writing “NICE SHIRT” under  one of her posts, but at the end of the day, I am just happy the cats were safe and well cared for and my apartment is still standing.  Besides, she left a half-eaten jar of peanut butter, 3 eggs, and 2 LaCroix, so maybe at the end of the day we are even?  I don’t know, the ethics are kind of grey here – kind of like the T-shirt she borrowed – while I was in Italy* (????????????????????????)

*By my count you should have at least had 3 bottles of wine by now.  You’re welcome.

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  1. Haaaaaa!!!! Love it Suz!! ????????

  2. Greatness!

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