Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!! Hope everybody is well into their third green beer by now and you’re trying to read this while crowded into an Irish pub. I personally choose to avoid St. Patrick’s Day celebrations when it falls on a weekday, namely to avoid the dreaded work hangover, but I hope all you crazy kids out there who’ve been at it since noon drink responsibly and remember to Uber home tonight.
I also have kind of a hard time with SPD because I don’t really like the color green all that much. I think it stems from playing T-Ball when I was a kid. My team colors were green and white and I was called the Jolly Green Giant all the time because I was tall and skinny, and well, as we know, my hair looked a bit like roughage. I also had a green cardigan with leather elbow patches that I wore with brown stirrup pants (I don’t know why) and all the kids told me I looked like a tree. This is not a joke. So I think I just subconsciously gravitate away from anything green. BUT, I am a total stickler when it comes to wearing green on the 17th. Growing up, the kids in my elementary school in Ardmore took St. Patrick’s Day very very seriously. And should you choose to ignore the tradition of wearing green, their pinching was NO JOKE. You wake up late and forget it’s St. Patrick’s Day…you came home looking like you’d been in a car wreck from the neck down. These kids were animals. They didn’t even care if you were wearing a variant on the color green; if you didn’t have on something that looked like it was designed by the leprechaun on the Lucky Charms box, some grubby little kid’s fingers were digging into your skin by the end of first period. It was horrible. So, even when I don’t want to, I always begrudgingly wear some sort of green on March 17th because I have some form of PTSD from elementary school.
My St. Patrick’s Day outfits in the past have been pretty half-assed because I never own anything green. It’s usually something I throw together last second, like mardi gras beads around my wrist, or maybe a green scrunchie. Then, there was 2004.
It’s too bad we didn’t have camera phones back then because unfortunately all I have from this evening is this head shot of me and my friend Sarah. We don’t get to see the outfit in its entirety, which is partly a blessing and partly a real damn shame. But I’m going to try and describe it and then recreate it below so you can use your imagination. Bottom line, I should have never been let out of my house.
Let’s assess: First up, green Von Dutch T-shirt. (Was Von Dutch even still a thing in 2004? Wait, don’t answer that.) The version below is a little brighter than the one I had, I think my color was called “heathered green”, but you get the point. Your style maven didn’t stop there, though…next I paired the green tee with a white khaki skirt. Finally, I finished off the outfit with the pièce de résistance – WHITE PUMPS. To add insult to injury I think I also carried a black furry purse that night too. You guys, this outfit is so bad, it’s embarrassing even for me. At least you can still purchase both the skirt and heels today (J.Crew and Steve Madden, respectively) but the Von Dutch tee is long gone.
That night, after I got all gussied up, I marched my tail down to the local Irish pub where I promptly bumped into my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend, who just so happened to NOT be dressed like a slutty keebler elf. After that I took way too many Irish Car Bombs, gave him an hour’s worth of side-eye, then called it a night . Ahhhh, memories.by