It’s been kind of a crazy week here at Dammit Suzanne, meaning there were like 3 things that happened. So I thought I would do a little week in review. Plus I KNOW everybody wants a Match.com update, and LET ME TELL YOU. It’s pretty lame. But still funny.
First things first.
THE SOLAR ECLIPSE: HOLY SHIT Y’ALL THAT WAS COOL. Next time it happens, if I am still alive and haven’t completely pickled my liver, I am definitely going to see the eclipse in totality. I LOVED seeing all the videos and pics of when totality actually occurred. It was amazing and super weird and freaky all at once. Plus it was kind of cool that everyone across the country was on the same page about something for the first time since the LOST finale. Except for the Eclipse Conspiracy Theorists. Which are only the BEST conspiracy theorists, everybody knows that. According to the linked article (which you guys never click on, and yes I can tell) the world is going to end 33 days after the last solar eclipse when a secret planet called Nibiru collides with Earth. Bummer. That would make the end of the world scheduled for Saturday, September 23rd. Unless – okay wait, so when you count for the apocalypse do you count the day OF the eclipse as day 1? Or is the NEXT day day 1? Ugh, counting is hard. So, the end of the world is either on the 22nd or 23rd depending on how you personally choose to count for the apocalypse. Anyway, this dude, Andrew Meade, who has zero chill, apparently determined the date of the end of the world based on a weird obsession with the number 33, which he calls the 33rd Convergence. To quote:
“The eclipse will start in Lincoln Beach, Oregon — the 33rd state — and end on the 33rd degree of Charleston, South Carolina. Such a solar eclipse has not occurred since 1918, which is 99 years — or 33 times three.”
So naturally, 33 days after the eclipse is when it’s all over. For a more in depth look into this batshit crazy theory, please click here. On the bright side, that means I don’t have to worry about losing weight before my cousin’s wedding or getting my life together, like EVER. On the minus, we miss football season, and oh yeah, the world ends. ????♀️
If somehow this crazy world keeps spinning on into October, I think we can all agree that the eclipse was just cool. I got some glasses and totally geeked out when it got hazy outside and the temperature dropped. Personally, I would be fine with the sun being blocked MORE often because give me those sweet sweet 70 degree temps any day, but a friend wisely pointed out that come winter I would probably be singing a different tune if our source of light and warmth was blotted from the sky. Twitter was also on fire about the Eclipse (get it? Bc the sun?) so I’ve included a few tweets below that made me laugh:
MATCH.COM UPDATE: I have been on Match.com for approximately 17 days, 3 hours, 17 minutes and 34 seconds. That’s using apocalypse counting. That also means I have 2 months 7 days and some odd hours and seconds until this science fair experiment is over. I KNOW I said I would have a good attitude about it, and I do! I promise! And don’t worry I am being checked left and right if I start to even think about canceling my membership or not messaging people back before my 3 months is up…but, DAMN, people, this is brutal. So let’s go to the update…
Mr. Wang has impressively persisted in his quest for my hand, this week telling me he knows I am taller, but he does not mind it, which was sweet. He also informed me that I have two smiles, one with teeth, and one without, but both are pretty. And even though I am introverted, the intelligent conversation is what he likes. Keep in mind, I have not responded to this guy once. He again asked if I wanted to date for marriage and a family, given our age. That’s the way to get me, Wang, keep reminding me of my aging uterus. Sometimes he just rapid fires questions, like if I like seafood, and where I live.
There are a few people I have chatted with, so all is not lost!! However, one of them messaged me recently saying “Good luck on here!” because he was getting off the site. When I asked him why (for, you know, research) he said – talking about himself – “If I can’t find someone otherwise, then I deserve to be alone”, which is like, WAY HARSH, Tai. Oh well, he was a coach at a Christian school and he couldn’t drink in public, so it probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
The bigger concern with that last interaction is that it’s a touch manipulative. Hear me out…this is a guy who, if I didn’t message back promptly, would message something passive aggressive that would make me feel bad, so I would in turn respond immediately. Case in point – even the “good luck on here” made me respond sooner than I probably would have otherwise. LADIES. We have to be careful, myself included. I know it seems like this may be a bit of an overreaction, but this is potential red flag behavior. Dating a manipulative man OR woman is not fun, and should be avoided at all costs. There, that’s my daily PSA.
Finally, here is a picture of my latest daily match:
billionaire Italian playboy/model/DJ which I know because, duh, I read Buzzfeed. That’s like if I had a picture of some random model as my only photo. It’s the Match.com equivalent of keeping the stock photo in the frame. Against my better judgment, I messaged him asking why that was his profile/only picture – it was just too weird of a deal for me to leave it alone.
Like I said, I have 2 more months plus before I leave this site forever, but by God, while I’m here, I’m going to make the most of it. I even decided to turn inward, in case GASP!, I’m actually the problem here. Friend Catherine, who is sort of like my personal guru (Hi again, Catherine!), has been recommending I listen to this podcast called Lady Lovin’ by Lo Bosworth, et al. Yes, Lo from The Hills, who, I think we can all agree was the unsung hero of that show.
the book of the same name by Laura Lane and Angela Spera with my extra Audible credits. I like it because it’s more, “oh man, dating is the worst, but here are some funny stories and the tips we learned from them” as opposed to The Rules, which was the dumbest shit ever written. OR, He’s Just Not That Into YOU, which just made me feel bad about myself. Plus the are both comics and sketch writers, which is totally up my alley. I just started listening, so I will keep you all posted on my Facebook page if I learn anything good!
And finally, I spent a good portion of my free time this week obsessing over the last episode of GAME OF THRONES. I won’t go into any spoilers here, and I know there are several of you who don’t watch it, so this will be short. All I am saying is I cannot wait to watch the season finale on Sunday night. I don’t even know what I’m going to do with myself. This season has been SO good, and if you don’t watch I IMPLORE you to start from the first season ASAP.
here. That’s it from the Queen in the North. See you guys next week!